Breasts: the Ultimate Fashion Blunder

      Breasts: the Ultimate Fashion Blunder

Vanessa Bruno S/S 2013

Gamine, fragile, beautiful. Had the Vanessa Bruno model been a 36c cup the look would have gone girl band/rock chick.Tits destroy silhouette. A jacket needs to drop from the collar bone in an insouciant schlump, not launch out at a 80 degree trajectory. Big breasts immediately send a look careering off to a gauche place. 

Carine Roitfeld

Glacially cool, Galouise reeking, Carine Roitfeld showing impeccable leopard print wearing attitude helped by her discreet breasts. 



Kate Moss

Even though Kate Moss can pull off slutty cool she would still be sunk if she had to contend with a bust. As it is, she can practice her cool irony, safe in the knowledge she’s no where near the Rovers Return.

Coleen Rooney

The terrible bag (not seen, bright red Channel type deal) and scarf kill off this outfit anyway, but even without this, the lapels have that big busted thrust which voids the edgy intention.

These denim shorts tell us that the wearer is focused on seduction. Had she been smaller breasted she might have achieved ingénue/child bride, and made the onlooker the sex fiend but with the bigger breasts she is in perfect collusion...

                                               

Whilst these shorts tell us that although she is gorgeous this was not her central intention. The  attitude achieved is independent and accidentally alluring.

  

                              Tom Ford Keira Knightly and Scarlett Johansson

Notice the placement of the Vanity Fair spread; Tom attempts to kiss the ice cold neck of Keira, whose detached body language signals that she holds power, whilst poor old Scarlett has to lie on the floor and show her bum. Could they have swapped places? No, since Scarlett could not have attempted Keira’s pose as it would have exposed a heavy lolling breast appearing from under the arm, eeww. As it is Scarlett relies heavily on the floor, her breasts being squashed up against it allow her to expose the side of them like a small breasted, person.

Why does Keira hold the power? She is no prettier, her body is not nicer? Yet in terms of Babe Paley elegance she wins hands down. In spite of her delicious curves, Scarlett has managed to climb the ranks of fashion acceptability, due in part to the fame cross over dynamic but if you look around she is in the meagre minority. Fashion icons must be elusive. Big tits suffer from lack of mystery and being confused with body fat. Straining button Bond girls need not apply.